Recently, I got an inquiry about training and the exchange went over several e-mails. This is the letter I finally sent the gentleman telling him he could not train with me. I think it might help others not make the same mistake and instead get off on the right foot.

I would not worry about the interview.

Let me explain and try to help. Those that teach martial arts in America usually fall into two categories. There are those that teach for money, and those that teach for ego. There are some that teach for a combination of both reasons, but neither type can turn down students. The ones that teach for money can't afford to turn down students anymore than McDonalds can turn away people wanting to buy their burgers. Most of the schools you can see in mini-malls fall into this category, while many who teach for ego teach out of their garage or rented space. Those that teach for ego have a psychological need for people to call them 'master' and treat them like a teacher and so they too can't turn down students, because the more students they have the more they can stroke their ego.

I, of course, think of myself as neither. I lived in Japan for 15 years and was quite content to just be a student, never teaching or doing seminar tours. I only teach because my teachers pointed out that they were teaching to repay their debt to those that taught them. They said they felt a need to pass along the correct knowledge as their teachers took pains to do for them and they hinted that I should do the same. It is a very Japanese attitude to try to repay debts and feel that the relationship with a martial arts teacher is more than the relationship you have with the guy who sells you a hamburger. So I teach to help pass along the correct art so that it can grow in the states. I have decided to teach only to a small group of people who meet a certain standard and probably will be around to pass along the art as well years from now rather than deal with a large group of people who might not have the dedication or spirit to achieve excellence in the art and be willing to pay the debt forward. You may note that I do not have much of a presence such as youtube videos or public demonstrations. Those that look can find me, and I get many of my students through referrals from people who know about me.

To be blunt, while you may be the smartest and/or nicest person on the planet, the way you have written to me does not make the standards of people I would accept. Yes I am rejecting you, but I will give you some advice on your mistakes so you know what not to do in the future if you want to get accepted by a quality martial arts teacher.

Quite simply, write as if you were asking about getting a job. Do not kiss ass, but you would give some information about yourself, use real English like "you" instead of "u" and write it in a tone of respect. I think you can see how these points were lacking in your letters to me, probably because no one has ever told you this type of thing before. You can get accepted in those that can't afford to turn students down, and since they are actively out there you possibly got used to their standards (or lack of them) in how they deal with students. But if you want some of the better teachers that do not advertise and keep largely to themselves, you will have to convince them to accept you just as hard as someone you want to give you a job.

I harbor no hatred for you in turning you down and hope your next experience is better. It is just that the first impression after three letters from you where as you did not even volunteer your full name is the type of thing that causes me to reject people. I hope this advice is accepted in the spirit that it is given and while we started off on the wrong foot you have learned how to give a better one to your next teacher and will achieve the potential you may have inside you.

Good luck on your journey.

I was very serious about this. The poor guy probably was not a bad guy, but he did not communicate well. That is to say, he did not meet my standards.

When you contact a teacher of quality who is not in it for money or ego, you will have to prove yourself to them. Making a good first impression is vital.

When you write, use standard English and not the internet slang you would use when texting a friend.

Tell the teacher a little about yourself, but don’t try to impress him/her. If you have previous martial arts experience, you might want to mention it but don’t expect them to treat you any better because of it. Explaining what you want to get out of martial arts might be a good idea. I myself turn down people that are looking for something I do not teach. Commercial dojos always tailor their sales pitch to make it sound like they offer the exact thing you want from martial arts, but those of us that do not teach for money (or ego) can afford to turn people down and maybe turn them over to someone better suited to their desires.

At the same time, realize that the teacher really doesn’t give a fuck about you. Live with it. Your past experiences and dreams for the future might convince him/her that they should take a chance on you, but if you try to make them think you are the most awesome person in the world they’ll probably turn you down. There are already too many people in the martial arts with raging egomania, I for one don’t want anyone too full of themselves in my group.

(Oh, and if you want me to rip your head off in class and shit down your throat, go ahead and try to tell me how you used to do things in your old art. If you really like that art, stay there. Ever hear of the saying about emptying a cup before you can receive more tea?)

Believe it or not, I had one student decline to give his full name after I asked for it. That was the end of that communication. Understand that the teacher has the power in this relationship. If you want to train with him, you have to meet his conditions. Not teaching for ego or money frees up a teacher to only accept those they want. You have to make them want to accept you. It sounds like fucking common sense, but based on letters I have gotten (like the guy who would not give his name) it does need to be pointed out.

One more thing that needs to be mentioned. In many ways I am very Japanese in my outlook. Before I trained at another dojo I would talk things over with my current teacher. In some cases, I needed them to write a letter of recommendation for me.

Not all teachers think the way I do, in fact I think I am in the minority. But some of the best seem to believe in this sort of respect. But if you are training with a teacher that you respect, then you owe it to them to let them know that you are thinking of also going to other teachers. This is really more for cases inside the same art. In my case, this means that if you train with another Bujinkan teacher I would require you to talk to them before you sit down to interview with me.

Some people do not like me (surprise, surprise) and they will probably let their students know why they feel that way. It is then up to the students to make a choice. No one owns anyone else, but I do think that if you respect a teacher you owe it to them to at least give them a chance to give their opinion.

For myself, I would warn others if I have heard that someone seems to take pride in hurting their students, or like Jeff Prather was cast out of his job with the government because of his conduct, including convincing two of his students that he should sleep with him to receive “sexual healing.” I could not in good conscious send any students, especially female ones, off to train with someone associated with him without a warning.

If your teacher outright forbids you to train with someone else, then you need to do some thinking. In a lot of cases, it might mean that you should get out from under the influence of a control freak. They may have good reasons, but you need to hear them and then judge what you will do from there. If they give reasons, I would advise checking them out.

I myself told one student that he could either train with me, or in Toshindo but not both. The reasons were that I had heard rants by my Japanese teachers for years about how Stephen Hayes had been rude to the head of our art as well as deceptive and since I teach to pay back what they taught me I follow the rules about not training with him or his organization as Masaaki Hatsumi has ‘asked’ us to. And, since Toshindo is basically a watered down version of Bujinkan a lot of moves look the same, but lack the depths and it is easy to see what we do and fool yourself into thinking that doing what you learned in Toshindo can help. It is better sometimes to train in a totally different art to not make those mistakes.

If a teacher makes an accusation about a person you want to train with, it seems reasonable that they would be willing to help prove it. If not, then that should set off alarm bells in your head. What I said about Prather and the female students is a matter of public record with a pdf file of his appeal hearing with the DEA available on line.

Sad to say, if you ask them they may still resent it and hold it against you. I require other Bujinkan teachers in the area get written permission from the people they consider their teachers before they attend any training with me. In one case, the teacher sent me a letter personally giving permission for his student to train with me and praising my skills and knowledge. However, stories keep coming back to me that in private he takes every chance to bad mouth me he can. People who know him tell me that he wants a greater influence in my area and seems to fear me as a rival, despite the fact I really have never tried to build an empire and have no interest in having people reliant on me. So even though you ask permission and it is given, that may not end the drama.

If you do not respect the teacher and are looking for a way to jump ship, then I can understand why you would not to tell them. If you suspect the teacher would somehow hold you training with someone else against you and find a way to revenge himself on you in the future, then it is only natural that you be seeking another teacher on the sly. But really, if you believe your teacher is that type of person, you should already be out the door before you start looking for a new teacher. Some teachers have a reputation of trying to build empires and stealing students from others. Requiring students to get permission from their teachers sometimes can help avoid this, but as I said in my case that is not a certainty. But unless you make a break with a bad teacher before you seek out a new one, you open your new teacher to accusations that he lures students away from others. So please think about his reputation before you contact him and either let your current teacher know or make a clean break.

In some cases you may have an interview with the teacher before you take classes, and in some cases you may be allowed to train right off. My suggestion is that you read up on the teacher, their art and their web site to find out what you are getting into. Commercial/ego teachers will put up with stupid questions, but quality teachers might reject you if you take the attitude that they need to pass everything over on a silver platter. Good teachers help those that help themselves. If there is no other way to learn, they will probably welcome a question. But try to find out the answer on your own and you will impress them with your diligence. I would rather train someone like that, than someone who isn’t motivated to seek things out on their own.

In summation, if you want a teacher of quality to train you it is necessary to show them that you are a person of quality. Too many people start out in commercial studios that don’t care about the impressions the students give, only their ability to pay. If you are reading this, then I assume that you are looking for something more than what you find at the local McDojo and now you need to think about how you communicate with others in order to give the right impression.

Good luck in finding a good teacher.

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